More Food That I Am Not Getting To Eat

So I am a little peeved.  Big One, Talker, and Player are all playing with the stupid snooker table.  Instead of me.  And Boss is making food.  Not for me.  And she is not even dropping it on the floor when I give her the puppy dog eyes.  I mean REALLY???  These people are making me not very happy.  I am the most bestest thing in this house and I am not getting the love I so richly deserve.  Oh.  What?  Boss is making little lovey sounds at me and is kissing my nose.  Oh. OH.  I am maybe getting some love.  Oh!  See that!  My tail is wagging!  A lot.  A LOT!  Now Boss is explaining that the food she made is not tasty for dogs like THIS HANDFUL OF COOL RANCH DORITOS IS!!!!!!!!  OMG HEAVEN!!!!! 

Okay.  I will be sorry for being a whiner.  But maybe the whiny dog gets the doritos, huh?  Yes, I think so.  I am a simple dog, but brilliant at the same time.  Oh yes I am.  So I will show the food that is not tasty for dogs.  I am sorry my people will have to eat it. 

Pickled eggs.  Boss developed this recipe years ago and makes them when she thinks about college.  Or when she wants a beer.  I think that might be a joke.  But I am not sure.

Tomatoes:  Boss is amazed by and tired of all the tomatoes that three stupid plants made this year.  (Boss says the word "stupid" this time and not me.)

Cranberry Orange Marmalade:  Boss made some for Big One as a surprise one year and now she makes it when she has oranges going bad.  What?  Oh.  Boss is saying that is a secret and not in this recipe.

Veggie Soup starter:  Boss just sort of ground up all the vegetables around here - including a jalapeno - and stuck them in jars.  Boss seems to think this would be good in chicken noodle soup.  Whatever.  Those are VEGETABLES.

Cow Pie Cookies:  No.  They do not taste like cow pies.  Too bad for you!  You can make them from this recipe.  Boss loves that they have no flour and that Talker will eat them for extra calories.  Which is what the rest of us do not need.  I guess.

Snooker is Stupid

Hey, I know, because I have seen this snooker table get built and used and I really think the whole thing is stupid.  Plus, I got the "NO!" word said to me a lot when my people were working on it.  A LOT.  Plus, I am not allowed to be on the table, but the cats are.  Plus, this snooker table seems to make my people cry and complain when they use it.  So I am thinking it is stupid.  But Big One and Talker and Player are all happy except when they are crying and complaining so maybe this is a people thing that simple dogs will not understand.

Big One wanted me to write a blog post about how fantastic this snooker table is but I can not.  I am a dog and dogs do not lie.  Even when we want to.  Like when Big One asks me if I have ever seen such a wonderful snooker table.  Um.  No.  I have not seen a wonderful snooker table.  Including this one.  But I can share pictures of all the building that Big One and Talker and Player did for two whole weekends instead of playing with me.  No I am not bitter.  Not at all.  Stupid snooker table.

They are not doing a very good job of hiding.  I can still see them.  I am worried that the table is upside-down right now.

Big One puts the frame together.  He is also telling me the "NO!" word probably.

Big One and Player add the wood pieces to the stupid snooker table instead of playing with me.

Player looks at the level.  And does not play with me.

Big One is putting the slate together with beeswax.  First I got the "NO!" word when my people were lifting the slate.  Then I got the "NO!" word when I tried to taste the beeswax.  Stupid snooker table.

Big One stretches the felt.  This apparently takes angry swearing noises to work right.

Big One puts the rails on the stupid snooker table and the bat crazy cat is probably thinking about her stupid (not) missing kidney.

Finally done.

Now do you think they will play with me?  No.  Because Player, Big One, and Talker will play with the stupid snooker table.  Instead of me.  I want to go outside and I am being ignored.  See?  SEE???

Big One breaks.  But nothing actually is broken.  Whatever.  I am not a fan of this whole thing.

More playing with the stupid snooker table.  I am going to bed.

Boss Is A Little Bit Clever

Boss is the words "on fire" today, she says.  I was a bit concerned at first, but I am thinking she is exaggerating a bit.  As usual.  But Boss has done something very nice for me, so I will be appreciating it and sharing it with you.  And it involves the "Photoshop" word, and Boss was making happy noises while doing it, so I am not sure but I think maybe this means that the end of the world really is going to happen after all.  I am a little sad about that because I have not yet had a cupcake in my whole entire life and now the world is going to end because Boss did not make swearing noises at the "Photoshop" word.

But what Boss has done is pretty neat and should be enjoyed before the world ends.  Look!  My tail is wagging!  Boss made pretty-paper-picture-story pages with people who are not our people all blurred out like all the windows around here!   So I can share them with you!  And it is done with the "Photoshop" word and not my slobbery drool like I use on the windows!  And apparently it was super easy because even Boss can do it!

Boss used a sketch to make these.  And since it worked once, she decided to just go with it and get a lot of pretty-paper-picture-story pages done.  Boss is a big fan of page|maps sketches... and this is the one she used from July 2012.  Over and over.  In an annoyingly repetitive fashion.  Three times.

page|maps... Boss says she loves you.  She is a little awkward like that.  Sorry.

I think if you squint hard enough you can kind of imagine that this might be the inspiration for these pretty-paper-picture-story pages with people who are not our people all blurred out on them.  Huh?  Oh!  I was right!  Boss said to turn your head sideways and then it is easier to see.

Boss likes the pink shirt because then she could use her favorite pink washi tape.  Talker is not a fan.  Neither am I.  Pink is not for boy dogs.

Boss wants to redo this one.  She is not a fan of the paper.  Player and I think she is wrong.  More awkwardness by Boss.

Remember how Boss claims to be the word "on fire"?  I think this is really just a way of saying "not doing much cooking or cleaning but spending a lot of time making pretty-paper-picture-story pages about baseball while waiting for the end of the world" because this is the next pretty-paper-picture-story page about baseball that Boss made.

More washi tape.  I think Boss has a problem.  I will have to Google some intervention later.

And remember my title?  You might think that the pretty-paper-picture-story pages with people who are not our people all blurred out are all that I am impressed with.  But no.  I think I will need to point out that all of these pretty-paper-picture-story pages have three things:  baseball (which is not simple - see my earlier posts on the topic), washi tape (which I am afraid will be a blog topic someday), and pockets.  Yes!  Pockets!  Check out the pockets!  Yes.  Boss is a little bit clever.  But do not tell her.  She will get awkward on you. 

These papers just sit behind the pretty-paper-picture-story page in the page protector.

A sneaky pocket holds this folded up paper.  Boss says the color is horrendous.  Player and I do not agree.

This pretty-paper-picture-story page is connected to a piece of cardstock at the bottom.  Like a file folder.  Whatever that is.

Boss Is Lucky I Know How To Blog

Because that is the big secret that is now not a secret!  Boss is being in charge of the blog over at The ScrapRoom!  Yes, she is!  And are you laughing right now like I am?  Yes!  YES!  Because Boss is not very good at doing a blog at all, and now she has to act like she is knowing what she is doing in front of all the other people who like pretty-paper-picture-story pages and cards just as much as she does.  This is called the words "faking it" and "glad that the dog knows how to blog". 

I am very proud of Boss.  She has only cried a little bit, thrown up once, and made angry faces 14 times.  That is after two blog entries, so I think she is doing pretty good.  For Boss.  But when Boss get frustrated, she goes and reads this blog post and all the very nice comments at the bottom.  (I especially like that Beth person because she mentions me.  Except she does not seem to understand that I am writing the blog and helping Boss with The ScrapRoom one. I am the clever one here.)

So Boss reads that post and then she is not so scared or begging me to help her.  As much.  I think she will get the hang of it and be better after a little while.  But I am really getting tired of Boss asking questions without even looking at the FAQ.  That is what it is there for, already.  Geez.  Uh oh.  Boss has a determined look on her face and is headed toward the computer.  I think I will go crawl behind the couch and pretend to nap. 

I Have Been a Little Naughty

So I was just surfing around and I accidentally got to a page that had a lot of french poodles on it.  I was not looking at them at all and it was an accident and I tried to close the page but it would not close and then Boss caught me.  And then she took away my computer privileges.  So I was the word "grounded" I guess.  Player and Talker are the word "grounded" all the time, but they are not looking at the french poodles like I was NOT.  They do other things like watch the television when they are not supposed to and do a really bad job of their jobs.  Which Boss says are related. 

Since I was grounded, I was not able to write the blog like I am supposed to.  I am very sorry about that.  But not as sorry as I am that I did not get to enjoy the poodles a little bit longer.  By accident! 

Lots of exciting things have been happening while I have been been grounded.  I will write a blog post about each one of these things later, but I will do the "foreshadowing" word and list them here:

1. Boss is working on a big surprise.  It is a surprise, so I will not tell you that it is related to The ScrapRoom or pretty-paper-picture-story pages.  That would ruin the secret.  So I will not mention that.
2. Big One is making a snooker table.  Please do not ask me what this is.  So far all I can tell is that it is something I am not supposed to be standing on, near, or under while Big One is working on it.  But I can tell that he needs help.  Because this is a big mess so far.
3. Talker is running around all over the place and sweating and getting tired of running and then running some more and is missing out on a lot of play time with me.  This is called the word "cross country" and this actually makes sense because he is running across the country practically with how much he is running.
4. Player still loves me.  A lot.  A LOT.  He is my afternoon buddy while Talker is running all over the place.  Player walks me and talks to me and plays with me.  He is awesomeness.  

And of course, the September reveal has happened at The ScrapRoom, too!  You should go check out all the wonderful pretty-paper-picture-story pages and cards that have been made with the paper that was not a secret last month.  If you go here, and scroll to the bottom, you can see the pretty-paper-picture-story pages and cards that Boss made.  Boss is making a frowny forehead face at me.  She wants you to look at them all.  (But I think scrolling down gives you more time to smile at the pretty-paper-picture-story pages and cards that Boss made.  Just a thought.  Like when you see french poodles, you want to spend as much time as possible smiling at them.  Not that I would know, though.  Unless it was by accident.)

September Sneaks are Here!

And guess what?  The ScrapRoom thinks I am brilliant.  Because the silly secretness of the paper that is used for the sneaky pretty-paper-picture-story pages is not happening this month!  The silly secretness is gone like the squirrel farts of last winter in high breeze!  Yes!  The sneaky pretty-paper-picture-story pages have paper that is revealed... as paper!!!!  With names!!!!!

*blink*

I am sorry, but I still think the whole sneaky pretty-paper-picture-story page thing is still a bit silly.  It is not sneaky at all.  We all know it is coming.  Especially me.  Because I have been watching Boss make the sneaky pretty-paper-picture-story pages and she is not especially sneaky.  No, she is not.  She does not shut the door of our hang-out room.  She does not creep in here late at night.  No.  She just works on them whenever she wants and then shows them to Player and Talker and Big One.  Not very sneaky at all.  But I will still show you the September Sneak that Boss made for The ScrapRoom.  And an extra close up!  Which is not sneaky at all!  No, it is not. It is actually even easier to see, which is not sneaky.  But I will let you decide.

WRMK Hall Pass - Back 2 School

Boss changed the color of the buttons and used the paper names as tags.  I think she is too lazy to find the right color buttons and make real tags.  But I think this is finally a little sneaky.

A Crop and a Challenge!

Boss is very happy.  It is because of a word called "crop" which involves making a large mess in our hang-out room and spending a lot of time using the computer.  And it is A LOT of time because I have had a hard time getting this blog written because Boss is being a hog of the internet. 

There is the "crop" word going on at The ScrapRoom on the message board.  Part of what a crop is, besides making a large mess and hogging the internet is another word that makes no sense with the other word:  "challenge".  Because Boss is using them together like this:  "crop challenge".  No.  It has nothing to do with a difficult farming season.  It has nothing to do with the complex process of choosing vegetables to plant in the spring.  No, it seems to have everything to do with making pretty-paper-picture-story pages following special rules.  I am confused by this.  There are not supposed to be rules for making pretty-paper-picture-story pages.  Boss says this all the time.  ALL THE TIME.  It is said often enough that I do not even pay any attention to this statement any more.  It is said so many times that the repetition of it has become repetitive and annoying.  But now Boss is excited about having rules all of a sudden.  I do not understand.

Boss says maybe an example would be a good idea.  Okay, but Boss usually has examples that are only more confusing.  We shall see.

Boss has a "challenge" word for the "crop" word.  It is a collection challenge.  Oh.  I see where this is going.  Boss thinks you should go collect a bunch of stuff for your pretty-paper-picture-story pages and make a big mess with them.  A big mess!  A BIG ONE!  EVERYWHERE!!!!!  Oh.  Boss is making a frowny-forehead face at me.  She wishes I would stop interrupting and just listen.  Fine.  I will sit here and be very quiet.  And not say a word.  And be perfectly still.  And not mention that I am a very quiet dog and a very patient dog all of the time anyway.  And be waiting quietly and patiently for Boss to explain these words to me.  Because I am a very simple dog, and ---

I am about to get into trouble.  I am being quiet.  For real.  And I will hold my mouth shut with my paw, and ---

I am trying to be quiet!!!!  I AM!  Boss says I am very trying.  I do not understand.  But she is now explaining that the collection challenge is to find a collection of things you have, and to use at least 5 items from your collection on a card or a pretty-paper-picture-story page.  That is all?  Those are silly rules.  If you want better rules, you should ask a dog.  Like me!  Because I am very clever and very smart and ---

In very much trouble.  Never mind.  Just look at these pictures that Boss made to show people how to play the "collection challenge" words.  Then go play at The ScrapRoom in the "crop" word.

Washi tape collection.  "Washi" is not a verb.  It is an adjective.  Or maybe a noun.

Button collection.   I am sure that "button" is a noun.  And they are tasty.

Ribbon collection.  I think that ribbon tastes not very good, but it is fun to chew on anyway.