Monday, October 29, 2012

Bad Ideas and Good Ideas

I think you will know what I am thinking is a bad idea.  Yes.  You do.  We all know that asking the bat crazy cat and this new cat to write a few simple blog posts is a really bad idea but Boss is not listening to this information.  Boss is giving me the frowny forehead face and I only just started to mention that the bat crazy cat is really going too far this time and that this new cat is going to have to do something more than just eat my food - YES, MY FOOD! - and lay around getting fat and more fat and someday incredibly fat.  I am only just beginning to mention that the bat crazy cat has not only gone too far this time but is also making me want to bite him.  But I will make it look like an accident and then Boss will not yell at me and then the bat crazy cat will have something to think about besides his bat crazy conspiracy theories!  Although me biting him accidentally on purpose may actually be a conspiracy and I do not want to encourage him.  No.  Not one little bit.  So I will now discuss good ideas because Boss is getting more than slightly irritated with this talk of me biting the bat crazy cat, even only by accident on purpose and maybe just a little harder than necessary.

So the good idea is going on vacation with my people!  Which unfortunately is related to the bad idea of having the bat crazy cat and this new cat write blog posts, but I will not be discussing that any further except to say that maybe next time we will go on vacation to a place with wi-fi.  I mean really.  Can you believe there are places in the world with no wi-fi or hot spots?  My people are also living in the dark ages with no-G phones.  Oh!  Yes!  I just made a very funny joke about cell phones and the technology my people do not have!  Oh!  My tail is wagging a lot.  A LOT!  I am a very clever dog, I think.  And Boss is trying to maintain a frowny forehead face but is failing so I know I am funny if Boss laughs. 

Where we were on vacation is the North Shore.  It is in heaven, says Boss, but I thought it might take longer than five hours to drive there and then I would think that we would not come back from heaven as I thought it was supposed to be a one-way trip.  But maybe this is what is called an analogy.  Or a simile.  Or some other part of the English language that they do not teach dogs.  We are really too simple to learn some of that grammar stuff.  Anyway.  Boss took a few pictures.  Like a few hundred pictures.  And turned some into pretty-paper-picture-story pages already!  Which is also a very good idea.  And some of the pretty-paper-picture-story pages are already being shown at The ScrapRoom!  Which is a very, very good idea.  And finally the best good idea of all time is that the one at The ScrapRoom right now has me on it.  I am a big fan of this! 

You can go to The ScrapRoom blog to see this pretty-paper-picture-story page if you want.  Or you can stay here and look at it.  Either way, I am the best looking dog you will see.  No matter where you go.  I promise.
Here I am again!  Click on me so you can see me extra close up.  I am extra handsome the closer you look.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Guest Blogger: Somebody Has to Be Responsible

I am observing this new cat and his terrible guest blog post.  Incredible.
I think it's clear that the responsible one is NOT this new cat.  Or, at least, that is what he is trying to convince you of.  He's really quite good.  Clever, actually.  If he wasn't actually a dangerous undercover agent, I would give him quite the drubbing.  But I'll act as if his complete lack of intelligence and motivation is merely annoying to me and I'll move on.

Since somebody around here has to write an intelligent post, I'll be updating you on the current status of Talker's organ harvesting operation.  So far the people here still seem healthy and in good spirits.  I cannot tell if that's from Talker completely numbing their brains with his incessant talking or if they are really having a good time.  The ridiculous frivolity that occurs here on a daily basis is approaching the absurd.  These people really need to get some seriousness and wake up to the fact that they are in danger.

But no.  If they aren't all goofing off, they are all off on some big trip with Talker and the stupid dog.  They just don't see the truth like I do.  Going anywhere with Talker is DANGEROUS.  Goofing off is DANGEROUS.

And goofing off is what the female in this house seems to do best.  (Besides opening the cans of chicken!)  I hope Talker leaves her for last.  I really, really do.  And to be honest, I think Talker can take his time... she'll never notice her kidneys are in danger because every waking moment is spent working on these scrapbook pages and cards.  I have yet to figure out the purpose for them except that perhaps she *is* aware of the danger she is in and has cleverly disguised pleas for help on the pages.  Hm.  If that is her plan, I must revise my earlier estimation of this woman and consider her very, very clever.  And then, of course, I must assist her in her plan to overthrow Talker and save us all!  So with that in mind, here's what has been created lately.  Please, help us!!!
BasicGrey Clippings:  Perfect choice for a cleverly disguised note to the outside world.  If only I had the key to decipher it!
Echo Park Everyday Eclectic:   Yes.  I see the key... the large decoder watch in the picture must be around here somewhere!
Little Yellow Bicycle Saturday:  Ah!  She is trying to get LYB to notice her... and would be grateful for some help, I think.
Little Yellow Bicycle Twig:  Yes, I am sure of it now.  She is asking LYB to reach out and swat Talker with a stick.  Oh, very, very clever.  We shall be rescued any day now!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Guest Blogger: Truth Comes Out!

Dude.  Really, man?  Write a blog post?  I'm napping.  Come back later.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Talker Has Finally Stopped Running

Talker has run 1,267 miles this year.  Or maybe that is meters.  Or kilometers.  Or whatever.  All I know it is a lot.  A LOT.  And Boss and Big One are very proud of him for running around and almost throwing up.   I wondered if he ever pooped himself because that would be really really cool but Talker says no.  And makes a rolling eye face at me.  But he does that a lot so I am not sure if this comment got more rolling eye face or less rolling eye face compared to the other comments that get the rolling eye face. 

Boss and Big One went to see Talker run four times this season and as you might expect Boss took her camera and took a ridiculous number of photos of Talker running.  Running away.  Running back.  Running by.  Standing around after running.  Which is very similar to standing around before running.  And also as you might expect, Boss used her new silly toy to mess up perfectly good pictures of Talker running.  You might need to click on them to see them better.

Talker was horrified to see his arm in front of his body in this picture.  This is very bad form he says.  Regardless, the brother of Boss thinks this is a very cool photo and that it looks like a movie poster.  Before Boss messed it up anyway.
Talker runs toward the stadium where the end of the race is.  He is in a hurry to get there because standing around after running is more fun than actually running.
Talker is doing something called "pushing it to the end".  This is not a pooping reference.
Talker passes this girl, but he says it does not count because he is not racing girls.  But I can see it happening in this picture so I am not sure where these extra rules are coming from.
Talker is at the back of this pack as the race begins.  He is tall and blond and is actually smiling.  Or maybe it is just gas.
Big One cheers for Talker as he races on the golf course in our town.  He was very much awesomeness in this race and Boss got a little teary as he ran by.  She gets teary a lot though so I do not know if that is really news.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Boss Has a New Toy

So Boss has a new toy and it is on the computer and it makes pictures all messed up.  I know that sounds a little bit crazy but she did and it is and it does.  Boss has been playing with it a lot and I think you will be seeing lots of messed up pictures, and pretty-paper-picture-story pages made with messed up pictures.  Boss makes happy squealing noises and uses words like "Oh that is so cool!" when she messes up the pictures which is not the normal thing around here.  Yes, I have decided that the end of the world really is going to happen.

Since the world is going to end I guess I do not really care if you want to mess up your pictures too.  So you could go to and use the pixlr-o-matic and mess up all sorts of pictures in all sorts of ways.  Boss even downloaded that app.  This is exciting to her because she does not have a smart phone that will do instagrams.  She says her phone is dumb and boring but I am fine with that because smart phones that mess up pictures do not sound that smart to me.

Here is how Boss is messing up pictures.  I love this picture of Player.  I love him.  He is adorable.  And then Boss changes his colors, makes him messy and then scratched him.  I do not understand Boss.  Maybe she is still angry about the beets comment.

Before:  Hi Player.  I love you!
After:  It is all messed up and I am sad.

And then Boss went and made a pretty-paper-picture story page with this horrible messed up picture.  I am sad.  I am not a fan. 
This is for a BasicGrey sketch challenge.  I looked at the rules.  There is nothing that says messing up pictures is a good idea for the challenge.  I am just saying that.  I wish Boss would listen.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Boss Uses Any Excuse to Hang Out With Me

So Boss says it is World Card Making Day today.  And that she is going to sit in our hang out room and make cards with me.  I find this suspiciously convenient, as this is what Boss does every time she can sneak away from dirty dishes, laundry, and cat vomit.  I find all of these things delicious, but Boss does not.  Anyway.  Boss is going to make cards, she says, and to not bother her.  Unless there are Candy Corn M&Ms to be eaten and then she will make the time to take care of them, she says.

I googled World Card Making Day.  I found a website that says today is actually World Card Making Day.  But as you all know, any yahoo can make a website, or a blog for that matter, so then I consulted the all-knowing Wikipedia.  And guess what?  No World Card Making Day is in Wikipedia.  I do not want to sound like the bat crazy cat, but I am thinking that Boss is just going to make stuff up so she can be away from the the "smelly boybarians" and "odious tasks" that are the normal Saturday thing around here.  And besides, Boss just made a bunch of cards last weekend at the Card Crop they were having at the message board at The ScrapRoom.  How many cards does Boss need?  Apparently a lot.  A LOT.  And I will show them to you.

But if Boss needs to make cards, then I must keep an eye on her.  So I will be with her as she makes the cards and I will also keep an eye out for the M&Ms.  I am faithful like that.

Washi Tape Challenge:  Boss loves washi tape.  I do not.
Recipe Challenge:  Boss had to use chipboard and ribbons.  Ribbons are not my favorite food but they are somewhat tasty if that is all I can find on the floor under the table that Boss sits at.
Initial Challenge:  This is the challenge that Boss made.  She says her initials are TLS so she used a tag, ledger paper, and stitching.  I do not know how TLS spells Boss.  I am confused.
Less Is More Challenge:  I disagree.  Less is less.  Unless we are talking about cats maybe.
Bookmark Challenge:  Bookmarks are not cards.  But nobody asked me.
Be Inspired Challenge:  Boss used the music paper and birds from the inspiration piece that she was given to use (whatever that means).  Boss does not like these cards.  Player likes these cards.  Boss does not know everything, I think.
Color Challenge:  Boss used the colors green and red from the picture that was shared to make these cards.  Do not ask me if dogs are colorblind.  I think the cards look very nice.  I do not want trouble with Boss.
Monochromatic Challenge:  Boss made this card for me.  It is made from BasicGrey paper.  But I am her favorite Grey.  She even said so.
Negative Challenge:  Boss threw away the card that came before this card.  That is not the negative part of the challenge.  The challenge is to cut out a shape and use both the cut out shape and the cut out shape hole.  She says this card is better because she likes this one.  Boss is quite smart.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Happy Birthday Talker!

So today Talker is 14.  In dog years, that is 14.  Sorry, people, but 14 years is 14 years and I am not living in some kind of space-time continuum or wormhole that somehow bends time.  (Is that not like the coolest sentence you have ever read?  I am very excited to be able to watch some really wonderful television shows called "Star Trek" and "Farscape" in the afternoons.  I am very interested in television now and am happy to go outside for walks at night because I am looking for aliens and tribbles.  Television is awesomeness!  I think Boss has the wrong opinion about television, but I will just mind my manners about that.)

For the birthday dinner for Talker, all of my people went to a place called Buffalo Wild Wings where Talker ate chickens and french fries and watched all of the televisions they have there, which is a lot.  A LOT.  I know this is true because Boss took pictures and told me it is annoying with all the televisions there but also somewhat wonderful because it is like she is at dinner by herself and does not have to listen to the jokes of 11 and 14 and 40 year old boys.  Apparently the televisions are so very fascinating and can not be ignored with all of their sports, fish, and sports shows on all the time. 
Talker wanted the crown because he is a wing nut.  I guess.
The next thing my people did was to take Talker to Dairy Queen.  I think "Buffalo" and "Dairy" are cow words, so I think Talker had a cowboy birthday.  I think this makes sense.  Except Talker does not like country music so I am not sure why Boss would think he would want a cowboy birthday.  He is also a little old for a cowboy party based on what the television says during the day on what is called "talk shows".  I am learning a lot about what is going on with people and dysfunctional relationships during the day while everyone else is gone doing who knows what without me.  I know dysfunctional.  I am living it every day from 7:30 AM to 3:30 PM.  Oh, and I am learning how to tell time during the fun morning shows.  I am maybe not so simple after all!
Talker eating ice cream and laughing at Big One and his not-very-funny joke (says Boss).  But I think Big One is hilarious.
At this point you may be wondering why I am not all whiny and sad about not getting ice cream and how this birthday thing is not my favorite thing at all.  AT ALL.  But guess what????   I GOT AN ICE CREAM CONE OF MY VERY OWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   HAPPY BIRTHDAY TALKER!!!
I ate it so fast I accidentally ate the paper.  But it was tasty anyway.  I liked it.  I love my people!