Saturday, November 16, 2013

I Am Suspicious, or September Teeny Pretty-Paper-Picture-Story Pages

Boss informed me that the teeny pretty-paper-picture-story pages for September are readiness for me.  I am a little surprised because Boss normally is not this fast lately.  Boss used to be fast with pretty-paper-picture-story pages of all kinds but she is become rather streaky on the output with all the other things that Boss does around here.  Like, um.  Well.  Mostly the yarn things.  Boss says to not worry, she still is not a fan of the "cleaning" word so there is no such thing happening around here.  In fact, Talker and Player do a lot of the cleaning things in this place because they are so desperate to play the dreadful scary shooting game on the playstation thing.  They are always asking for "one more hour" and Boss says "after you vacuum all the rooms" or "if you sweep and mop the kitchen" or even "fold whatever is in the dryer" when Boss knows perfectly well it is the most horrifying white load!  All those socks to match!  It is pure torture says the boybarians but they do it anyway.  Boss is quite clever like that.  So, for Boss, it is still all about the crafty handy things for her, but she does not just do only the pretty-paper-picture-story pages.  Which is why I am in great surpriseness about how Boss says the teeny pretty-paper-picture-story pages for September are ready.  Especially since I can look at the silly graph of Boss and see that she has not really been making all that many teeny pretty-paper-picture-story pages. 

Boss says to get on with it already.  Boss says perhaps she has not been taking very many picture things and so the teeny pretty-paper-picture-story pages are not that great in number.  And are complete.  So show them already!

September Teeny Pretty-Paper-Picture-Story Pages

Hey, wait a minute.  There is like a whole week missing right after this teeny pretty-paper-picture-story page and right before the next teeny pretty-paper-picture-story page!  Well, it is more like only five days, but you get the idea.  I call cheater pants on Boss!!!  This is why Boss was all pushy and demandingness to hurry up and get these teeny pretty-paper-picture-story pages in the blog!  And now what does Boss say about this?  What?  Oh.  Boss says she knows.  (I think this is not a surprise to Boss after all.)  Boss says the parts that are missing are the big hiking trip she took with friend-the-elmo.  And that since some of the parts that are missing are regular pretty-paper-picture-story pages and that other parts that are missing are teeny pretty-paper-picture-story pages, Boss decided that they will all be shown together in one cohesive blog post of sensibleness.  And togetherness.  And cohesive sensible togetherness.  Nevermind the fact that they are in fact not even done yet.  What?  Oh.  Boss says this is not fair to be revealing this mess.  But it is because she just now figured out how she was going to make the pretty-paper-picture-story pages for them.  So there, Boss says.  She is very much mature about this whole thing... or not.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Boss Is On A Yarn Diet

Boss knew she might have a problem when she went to the store place and came back with bacon and yarn.


Bacon.  And yarn.  And Boss did not need these things but she says they are delicious.  And that she could not help it.  And that she might have a problem.

So Boss declared she was going on a yarn diet.  And explained it to Big One.  And Big One said the "oh my" words and then the "that is pretty clever actually" words and then finally the "good idea" words.  So Boss was great happiness.  Until she realized that it meant no more bacon (or maybe not so muchness of the bacon) and no more yarn.  But not forever, no.  Boss will be able to buy the yarn things as she misplaces the weight things from around her belly.  What?  Oh.  Boss says it is more proper to say that she is going to lose weight.  It is apparently not like setting it down and walking away and then wondering where the heck the car keys have gone.  It is more like setting it down and walking away and coming back and wondering where the ham has gone.  I do not know where the ham went.  It must have disappeared somehow. 

But Boss has gotten nostalgic for buying the yarn things (it has been almost 3 weeks of this yarn diet) and has requested a blog post about all the good stuffses that she already has so she can stop doing the "sighing and moping" words and can just focus on putting down the ham so I can disappear it.

So this is what it looks like when Boss goes yarn thing shopping in person.  She found a "lovely lice" near the work place she travels to sometimes.  What?  Oh.  Not lice.  LYS.  I guess this is the shortcut way of saying Local Yarn Shop.  Or Local Yarn Store.  Or Local Yarn Stuffses.  But Boss was great pleasingness when she came home and said that some of it was also on the "sale" words.  "I got Araucania for 60% off!!!!" says Boss. And then she made the "squeeeee" noise. 
And this is what it looks like when Boss goes yarn thing shopping on the internets.  She is in love with Jimmy Beans and wants to marry him, I think.  What?  Oh.  No.  Jimmy Beans is actually a store called Jimmy Beans Wool and it is actually named about a woman, not a man.  I did not know Boss liked the ladies, actually.  What?  Oh.  Boss says to stay on topic.  Okay.  Anyway.  This is the yarn that Boss got because the work place gave her a gift card.  She could have bought bacon, but no.  It was good for anything, so Boss bought the Araucania.  Again.  I think she is in love with the Araucania.  What?  Oh.  Yes, Boss agrees.
And this is what it looks like when Boss goes to the store and comes back with bacon and yarn.  "But it was on clearance!" says Boss.  And sniffles a little.  But Boss knows that using her yarn thing obsession is a good way to focus on the more gooder eating and the delightful exercisingness that Boss wants to do.  However, Boss wishes to point out that gift yarn is still acceptable and to please please PLEASE check out her wishlist.  And buy all the yarn on it.  Because she wants it very muchness, you know.
So now that Boss can not be doing the yarn buying thing, she is actually spending time actually using the yarn she actually already has.  Actually.  This is sock yarn that Boss bought on the "clearance" words again.  She has managed to collect 15 balls of this stuff, which is actually exactly how much she needs for the project she has started.
And this is the project she has started.  It is a very very VERY small shawl wrap thing.  It will cover her hand.  Which will not keep her very warm.  At all.  AT ALL.  What?  Oh.  This very very VERY small shawl wrap thing is actually only 1 part of 45 that will be turning into a very very VERY warm and cozy large shawl wrap thing.  Actually.  And Boss calculates that it will take her until June to get it done, so do not be looking for it to be in any pictures any time soon.  Actually.
So here is Boss working on the very very VERY warm and cozy large shawl wrap thing.  You will see the hook thing wrapped in a very delightful wood chewy thing.  It is very much deliciousness, I am sure!  But Boss gave it back to Big One and said to make it more smoothy-smooth because she has delicate princess skin on her hands and it is unpleasant to hold and feel right now.  I know, right?  And yes, Boss actually said these words.
So this is the plan thing that Boss gave Big One.  She wants all of her hook things wrapped in very delightful wood chewy things.  This is called the "ergonomic" word.  And the "tasty" word!  Boss has declared she wants this for Christmas from Big One and is breaking her rule about her Christmas present being a surprise but she really really REALLY wants this.  Just about as much as the yarn things.  So Big One is frightened of Boss in her yarn obsession and wants to make the princess skin hand person happy and is working on making one of these hook wrap things to test it out.  You probably do not understand how this yarn obsession thing works around here.  It has gotten so bad that Boss has started naming these hook things.  This hook is called "Faina Blue".  It is just like "Faina Green" but it is blue instead of green.  And the hooks are all getting creepy sounding girl names that start with the letter of the hook name thing.  Oh dear God.  Can anyone save us?  This yarn obsession thing may be worse than the organ-harvesting zombie scheme of Talker.
This is another yarn project of Boss.  It is a bunch of scraps of yarn from projects that Boss has worked on this year and they are all joined together and turned into magic balls.  And then Boss took a very old not finished baby blanket that was started for Talker but he is no longer a baby and Boss will not be giving him anything that is white because it will only turn into mess and stains and then she took it apart.  The baby blanket thing.  Not Talker.
And so to make this scrap blanket thing, Boss makes the scraps and the white yarn from the very old not finished baby blanket be combined together.  And furthermore, Boss works on this blanket when she is on the exercise bike thing.  Boss is very motivated on this yarn diet but I know she does not like the exercise bike thing, so I will ring the bell to go outside whenever she gets on this horrible evil very bad no good exercise bike.  And I will do it over and over and over again because Boss loves to let me outside and get off of the bike.  The frowny forehead face is for the bike and not me, I am sure.  Oh and DEAR GOD.  I am told the name of this hook is Matilda.  Which is old German for "powerful battler".  Did I mention the obsession thing?  Yes?  Oh.
And to make matters worse, Boss is already planning a weather blanket thing for 2014.  I know, right?  Boss has committed to make a weather blanket with yarn she does not have.  So she is very much on the bike a lot right now.  I must ring the bell, hold on.  *later*  Okay, I am back.  Boss was very happy to let me out and in and out and in and out and in.  She was muttering under her breath at the evil bike.  She loves me.  What?  Oh.  I did not explain the weather blanket.  The weather blanket (or any other obsessive yarn thing) is made one row at a time to match the whole one day at a time thing that happens in a year.  Every row is made special to match the weather.  Boss has decided that stitches will be types of weather and colors will be temperatures.  And this chart shows what Boss is thinking for temperature. 
And then Boss went and picked out the yarn things.  When she has only earned one yarn thing so far.  But Boss says one yarn thing is better than no yarn thing but also that is why she put seven of these yarn things on her wish list.  Because she thinks she disappear three pounds before the year of 2014 like a very yummy ham, but she is not certain how quickly she will be able to vanish seven more pounds of ham after that.  So she spends much time sighing and moping at this yarn and then goes and rides the bike.  So I can be let outside.
And finally, Boss practices the weather blanket stitches using this perfectly fine yarn thing from her yarn thing box.  But it is not the color Boss wants so it will not be the appropriateness for the project, but it is fun to play with.  So anyway.  When it is sunning out, Boss will make the weather blanket row with the right temperature yarn and the stitch called the "single crochet" words.  It has a code name of "sc" which is also code for "stupid crochet".  When it is great cloudness, Boss will make the weather blanket row with the right temperature yarn and the stitch called the "half double crochet" words.  It has a code name of "hdc" which is also code for "hugely dumb crochet".  And finally, when it is making the precipitation happen, Boss will make the weather blanket row with the right temperature yarn and the stitch called the "trinity stitch" words.  It has a code name of, um.  Nothing, I guess.  Which is good, because I am tired of all this obsessive yarn stuffses.  I am going to use the Google to see if there is a 12-step program for yarn.  Pray for me.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

It Is Starting To Feel A Lot Like Christmas Or Something Around Here

Or maybe it is just a party of some kind.  With music and laughing and chocolate... At least in the scrappy space of Boss.  She is making the pretty-paper-picture-story pages and there is very much of the music of Christmas being sung and whistled and hummed around here.  Boss says it puts her in the mood to make the pretty-paper-picture-story pages of Christmas.  Which Boss says is necessary because making the pretty-paper-picture-story pages of Christmas is very much difficultness, apparently.  When you ask Boss about this, she gets a little bit of the "embarrassed" word and mutters something about the pictures being messy and too many and chaotic.  Boss also feels this way about the pretty-paper-picture-story pages of birthdays also.  And the pretty-paper-picture-story pages of the Happy Thanksgivingness!  I think the problem of Boss is that she does not like making pretty-paper-picture-story pages of the things that happen a lot.  Because she is very creativeness and feels like doing fifty million gabillion pretty-paper-picture-story pages of Christmas is not as fun as making one pretty-paper-picture-story pages of climbing on rocks or of Player sinking boats or of Talker drinking wine or of Boss making cakes.  Actually, do not worry about Talker drinking wine.  It was only a little and there were many witnesses.  Boss drank way lots more than that when she was making the cake thing.  And there were witnesses, but I think they were being encouragement.  But anyway.  Boss says she is almost done with pretty-paper-picture-story pages of Christmas for the year of 2009.  And yes, she knows there are more coming.  But she says she is going to be just fineness about that because she has wonderful scrappy friends that will help her get through it. 

Fall 2009:  So the most interestingness part about this pretty-paper-picture-story page is the yellow feather things.  Friends-of-Boss and Boss herself are not the fans of the whole feather trend thing that is happening right now.  But BasicGrey did not know this and they made some and they came in the POTM kit that Boss gets.  And Boss was momentarily in shock at the awfulness of the whole feather thing + BasicGrey.  Because those two things are not supposed to be together says Boss.  But anyway.  Boss may have been dared to use the horrid feather things.  And she did.  And she says they actually do not look too bad.  But Boss does ask BasicGrey to not do that again.  Her brains just might explode.
Fall 2009:  A pretty-paper-picture-story page with no pictures.  Boss is a fan of this because sometimes you are doing serious things in quiet places and for example it might not be appropriateness to get up and interrupt a church service thing so you can do the "mama-razzi" word.  So Boss makes a pocket to hold the words of the church service thing and writes about Talker drinking wine.  In church.  I know, right?
Fall 2009:  I am in great happiness!  Look at the cuteness of Player when he was all littleness!  And yes, he still makes that face when he is about to be naughty.  Do not ask me how I know this.  Boss says this is based on a page|maps sketch thing that friend-the-deadly suggested.  Boss does love the page|maps.  Yes, yes she does.  And you can probably figure out how I know this.  Oh, and Boss challenged the friends-of-Boss to use a thing not a letter instead of a letter in a word that normally requires just letters just like Boss did here.  This is overly confusingness, I think.
Winter 2009:  Merry Christmasness to you!  This is a card on a pretty-paper-picture-story page.  This is called the "covering the bases" words.  Boss was challenged by friend-the-tall-and-stately to use crumpled up paper.  I am not impressed with this.  When I do the crumple thing to the paper of Boss, she gets the frowny forehead face and says the "no" word.  When friend-the-tall-and-stately recommends it, Boss giggles and says the "okay" word.  I think there this great unfairness here.
Winter 2009:  This is a very sad pretty-paper-picture-story page.  It might look like a very nice pretty-paper-picture-story page about a Christmas concert thing, but if you look really really really close, it is all about Player and his ex-wife.  I know, right?  You did not see that coming.  Player and his now-ex-wife had the wedding and children and everything planned but then she moved away and Player was so not into the long-distance relationships so it got over and now Player is very embarassed by this whole thing and wishes Boss would just stop mentioning it already.
Winter 2009:  Boss saw a pretty-paper-picture-story page by friend-the-tall-and-stately and it had a very long tag on it and Boss said the "GENIUS!" word.  And then she stole it.  And now she is overusing the very long tag thing, I think.  Boss disagrees and says it is a "unifying element" and helps make all this mess look cohesive.  Boss seems overly sensitive about this idea so I am going to just move on.
Winter 2012:  At this point I think I need to mention that friend-the-tall-and-stately may be a bit on the bossy side.  I know that she seems like quite a nice friend, but the things she tells Boss to do are a bit crazy.  Like on this pretty-paper-picture-story page, friend-the-tall-and-stately dared Boss to cut up the picture of the deliciousness.  First it was crumpled paper.  Now it is cutting up pictures!  What next???  PAINT THE DOG?????  Somebody stop her!!!!!!!!!
Summer 2013:  Um yeah.  Sometimes Boss enjoys the drinks.  And then friend-the-eyeball and friend-the-deadly get involved and turn it into an excuse to use the horrid pink paper and "unifying element" things.  And to make it worse, friend-the-gazelle then jumps in and says Boss has to use flair.  Not just have flair.  But *use* flair.  So Boss allows these so-called friends to push her around once again and sticks a flair thing on her page.  Whatevs.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Proof That Boss Is Cheating On Me

So Boss says it just happened by accident.  But I have the proof on video, yes I do.

Boss says she was just going to look at the most beautifulest and most amazingness desk at the Stamp-n-Storage place.  But I saw what happened, yes I did.

It was not the plan, says Boss.  The camera crew was not supposed to be there.  But Boss certainly looks happy.

Boss says she was not even saying real words when this was being filmed but I now know that Boss has been with other dogs.  And it will cost her a lot of pepperoni to make it all better between us.  A LOT.  Like, more than three.  Possibly five.  Yes, five!

Boss says that the part with her in it only lasts like 2 seconds and that this video is really all about the ohmigorgeous Stamp-n-Storage desk.  Boss says that there is really a long story that goes with this and that it would better if she could explain it and then I would not be feeling so peckish.  That might be true, but I will be thanking the Stamp-n-Storage peoples for letting me know that Boss is easily distracted by cute little dogs.  Furthermore, I have some sad puppy eyes to make now so I will not be having the kind of time it takes to listen to stories and write them out for you.  Anything for the pepperoni, yes?  And possibly a cupcake.  I am awesomeness like that!  Yes I am.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Boss Can Not Stay Away From the Evalicious Deliciousness

So Boss did notice that Evalicious has new delicious Evalicious goodies.  Evalicious is amazingness that way, you know?  Well.  This is what Boss says.  I have yet to find a cupcake addressed to me from the Evalicious shop, but I am quite hopeful.  Maybe I should send the Evalicious peoples an email.  Boss is doubtfulness about this working as cupcakes are notoriously difficult to ship across international borders.

International borders... ???

Where is this Evalicious stuffses actually from?

Canada, says Boss.  But Boss gives me the "zip it" gesture in a most emphatic way.  "We are not going there AGAIN," says Boss.  "We are not going to risk the wrath of the entire country of Canada," says Boss.  "We were lucky last time," says Boss.  "Besides, Evalicious is nowhere near Ontario," says Boss.  "Would you like to go for a walk?" says Boss.

Oh yes.  YES I WOULD!!!!!  Yes!  Yes!!!  YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Then you will be showing the Evalicious deliciousness I made so we can go!" says Boss.

I can take a hint.

Project Life with Evalicious:  So what do tasty balls of yarn and Talker at the doctor place have in common?  Nothing.  But Boss says that sometimes the life thing just happens and in this moment in time, all there was in her life was Talker at the doctor place and tasty balls of yarn.  I do not agree.  There could be a whole page of me but no. 
Boss is very much liking these puffy stickers.  I tried to like them too but Boss said the "no" word and snatched it away from me.  Boss also loves that there is a very nice combination of colors on the new Evalicious stuff.  Boss uses a lot of teal.  Or is it aqua?  Perhaps it is light green.  I have no idea.  And I am not sure a simple dog such as myself needs to worry about that, actually.
Boss likes to cut out the Evalicious tags sometimes.  She is unpredictableness that way.
Boss said "ooooooh" when she found a whole sheet of round sticker things in her Evalicious package.  "They are even more amazing than you think they will be," says Boss.  And they are a dream to print on.  I guess.  (Boss said this also but I am getting tired of doing the dialog thing.)  Boss says the printing is glossy and beautiful but the place to write or print is not glossy so the words do not just fall right off.
Traditional Layout with Evalicious:  Oh, yes.  I knew that a pretty-paper-picture-story page documenting the new obsession of Boss would have to happen.  And it seems to have happened in the most distressingly pink way possible.  Although Boss has put in just a touch of green.  And this is somehow a different color of green than what Boss used before.  This is more like... like... oh goodness.  I do not really care.  Do you?
Boss shows how the new Evalicious stuff is wonderful stackingness and layeringness.  "And pink!" says Boss.  I know.  We can see that quite clearly.  At this point, I wish to go on record as saying that I wish dogs really were color blind.  Because then all this pink stuffses would not be so bothersome after all.
More stacking and pink.  I am moving on.
Card with Evalicious:  Awwwww, a very nice card with very tasty ribbon.  I know this is true because Boss let me snack on the leftover bit.  It squeaks delightfully in my teeth!  And if you are lucky enough to get this card, you can chew on it also! 
More of the puffy sticker, round sticker, and large tag thing in that color that Boss likes.  At least there is no pink!

Because Boss is encouragingness like she is, here are all the Evalicous deliciousness you need to buy and taste.  Or you could just put it on your teeny pretty-paper-picture-story pages, regular pretty-paper-picture-story pages, and card things if you are not hungry when your package arrives from Canada-no-where-near-Ontario:

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Boss Got A Little Overwhelmed, or August Teeny Pretty-Paper-Picture-Story Pages

So Boss was zipping right along on the teeny pretty-paper-picture-story pages and then Player and Talker went to Florida.  And of course Mr. Larry and mom-of-Boss took lots of amazingness photos and had lots and lots of fun times with Player and Talker (and not us).  And Boss is always happiness when pictures and things-not-pictures-but-that-tell-the-story-anyway come back with the boys from the Florida place because then it is like they were there but do not have to actually stop going to the work place and not have to do all the relaxing things and also especially not be forced to do the hanging out with fun people stuffses.  Because that would be a thing of sadness.

You are not buying any of that nonsense, are you?  No, I am not either.  But that is the sort of thing that Boss says to make it not so sad that the boys went on vacation and we did not.  And it is the sort of thing that Boss says when all those pictures and things-not-pictures-but-that-tell-the-story-anyway come back with the boys from the Florida place and Boss has not stopped taking the pictures of the work place and the foods that we were eating (well, not me most of the time) or the places we were going (again, not me as I seem to get left home quite often).  And then Boss realizes that there are a lot of pictures to turn into teeny pretty-paper-picture-story pages and that the stupid graph she made to track her progress is actually mean and hurtful when the green line does not go down very fast.

But Boss figured out how to make the graph look nice.  Boss just gets so busy making teeny pretty-paper-picture-story pages that she does not have time to order more pictures.  And then the graph looks nice.  Which means that Boss wants to share it RIGHT NOW, because she has just ordered 75 photos and will have to add them to the graph when they arrive.  But right now Boss has the nerdly numbers that show she is awesomeness.  And not overwhelmed at all.

Since the green line was not moving very much, Boss added average lines of average value, in my opinion.  Boss is happy if the orange line is above the yellow line, but I think that Boss should stop playing with the graph things and just work on the teeny pretty-paper-picture-story pages.  Oh, and get me a pepperoni now and then.  I like pepperoni.