Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Boss Makes Yarn Things Out Of Yarn So She Can Buy More Yarn To Make More Yarn Things

It all started when Boss decided to exercise.  I know, right?  This is ridiculousness.  And when I say ridiculousness, I do not mean that super hilarious show on TV that Player and Talker and Big One adore although Boss says it is garbage.  I do not think it is garbage.  I know garbage when I taste it, and Mr. Dyrdek is certainly not a hamburger wrapper left in the rain or a half-eaten moldy cheese danish in the gutter.  Although I think I would like him anyway.  No, the ridiculousness I am talking about is the fact that Boss and the "exercise" word and the yarn things are all together in this blog post.  Boss is a serious hater of the "exercise" word.  Boss says she would rather watch Ridiculousness (the super hilarious show on TV that Player and Talker and Big One adore although Boss says it is garbage) than do the "exercise" word.  But Boss was trying to win a contest to get smaller, so she decided that the "exercise" word was necessary but evil.  I personally think the "evil" word is a little on the exaggeratedness and overly dramatic side, but that is the word Boss used.  But the whole point of this blog post is yarn things, so do not try to distract me from the story that I am trying to tell.

Boss is not very good at the "willpower" word when it comes to the "exercise" words.  So she devised a purely genius plan.  I personally think the "genius" word is a little on the exaggeratedness and overly narcissistic side, but that is the word Boss used.  But the whole point of this blog post is yarn things, so do not try to distract me from the story that I am trying to tell!  Boss decided to set goals.  Not field goals.  Stop being distracting!  Boss decided to set goals and give herself a prize if she did the goal.  Or got the goal.  Or - whatever.  Boss decided to buy a yarn bowl for doing the "exercise" word for the whole month of January.

And she did it.  And then the yarn things got ridiculousness around here.

This is the yarn bowl thing that become the "epic" word around here.  Boss goes on and on and on and ON about how much of a joy it is to work on yarn things when the yarn sits in a bowl first.  I know, right?  This is so much nonsense, but Boss believes it so she thinks it is true.  I guess the yarn fits in the swirly slot thing and then the ball of yarn can not roll across the floor and then I can not take the ball of yarn and spread it from here to there looking for sheep.  I have looked for sheep many times.  I have not found one yet.  Oh, and the yarn thing in the picture is a washcloth.  All that time and work to make a washcloth (actually, three).  Ridiculousness.
Boss made this belt.  It is done in a technique called "broomstick lace".  It required Mr. Larry and Big One to make broomstick lace needle wood things in the shop at Christmas time.  I was not there, but this is what I heard.  And Boss, mom-of-Boss, and wife-of-brother-of-Boss had to have the broomstick lace needle wood things too.  There is no explaining any of this. 
Boss became so in love with her yarn bowl that she asked Big One to make her a travel bowl.  Before you get all excitedness about this bowl, please be aware that this bowl was actually a wedding gift for mom-of-Boss or something nearly as useless and mom-of-Boss gave it to Boss a while ago because it was not so wonderful.  And sort of useless (but I said that already).  And Boss secretly agreed and shoved it into the bottom of the china hutch.  For I think nine years.  And then somehow Boss remembered it was there and asked Big One to cut it with a swirly shape and make it "smoothie-smooth."  Those are the actual words of Boss.  The other actual words of Boss are this:  "Who knew it was actually a solid walnut bowl?"  She says it is absolutely gorgeous now and Big One even put a sticky thing on the bottom so it sticks to the dashboard of the car.  Boss is that serious about making yarn things everywhere she goes.  And that is not a bowl full of raw hamburger.  Unfortunately, it is only very nice yarn from the wife-of-brother-of-Boss that is being turned into a scarf.
Friend-the-deadly wanted flowers to stick on her pretty-paper-picture-story pages, but did not want to make them herself.  So friend-the-deadly threatened to kill Boss with her little pinkie if Boss did not make the flowers.  Boss cried a little but got right to work on making lots of little flowers.  I would normally protect Boss from mean people like this, but friend-the-deadly is, well, deadly.  I am just a simple dog.  I have limits.
At this point, Boss realized that she was going to be going on a vacation pretty soon and would be taking yarn things with her.  Boss also remembered that dropping a crochet hook thing on the airplane is a sucktastic happening... and then Boss found an idea for making a crochet hook keeper thing.  It was going to be awesomeness.  It was going to have beads and pink and sparkles.  And guess what?  It ended up sucking.  It sucked worse than dropping a crochet hook thing on the airplane.  So Boss took it apart and put it away.  And went to bed.
But the brain of Boss is a marvelous thing.  The brain of Boss came up with a similar but different idea.  And this time Boss got a crochet hook keeper thing that did not suck.  Boss has a most excellent brain.
Here is a close up of the crochet hook keeper thing.  The only part that the brain of Boss figured out all by itself was the yarn and yarn connection part.  And the hanging-of-the-scissors part.  The stitch markers and the crochet hook keeper thing was part of the idea Boss was trying to follow before the pink sparkly bead part got to sucking.
Boss.  And her adorbs purple scarfy thing.  This is the same yarn that was used for the crochet hook keeper thing.  But all fluffled up somehow.
Boss has a weakness for yarn thing patterns right now.  She is consumed with finding the "cutest thing evah!" and then making it.  Boss made this for a few reasons:  Boss wanted a little pursie thing to have on her wrist when she goes shopping.  Boss wanted to play with some leftover yarn that she loved but didn't have very much of (it is the same as what the belt is made of).  And Boss wanted to find something simple enough to teach to friend-the-deadly so the bullying and terrorization can come to end.  Maybe.  Boss is hopeful but teary. 
See?  A credit card, money, and lip gloss is cleverly packaged together so I can taste it all at one time!  Now this is genius.  And that is not an exaggeration.  Or ridiculousness.
Boss shows that the credit card can not fall out because the strap is really quite clever.  Now, before you believe that Boss is really quite clever, you might want to go here and see the pattern that Boss found.  Boss is only clever at finding patterns and copying them.
The little pursie thing is perfect for shopping.  Now go buy me some bacon, woman!  Please?

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