Sunday, August 19, 2012

Guest Blogger: Interview

Bauxite and Obsidian:  Saving the world, one zombie at a time.
Hello, Bauxite reporting in while everyone is gone... somewhere.  Everyone left and Talker was the most excited of the bunch.  I'm afraid that he has numbed everyone's brains with his incessant "monkey bun sauce" and "Turkish chickens" talk and has tricked them into driving away with him to some undisclosed location where he will harvest their organs, too.  The only bright spot in all this is that he has also taken that idiotic dog with them.  We may finally have some peace around here.  Oh, and there's another potential bright spot - this lull in activity has given me an opportunity to have a serious conversation - an interview, if you will - with this new cat.

Bauxite:  So I understand that you used to have a perfectly good name like the rest of us but now have been saddled with a geologically-inspired name... again, like the rest of us.  You now make animal number seven in this household to be named in such a fashion.  Hmmmm.  Seven.  This is a number of great portent... and deep meaning.  But before we delve into that, let's talk about your name.

This New Cat:  Uh, yeah.  What about it?  Just a name, man.  Just a name.

Bauxite:  Don't you see how twisted this all is?  These people think they are so clever.  You were once Maya - until you inexplicably became male and had to leave your foster home.  Now you are Obsidian, because (as these people are fond of explaining) this was a mineral once traded by the Mayan culture as a high-value item.  They call you Sid for short - but this also seems to mess with Greywacke as he thinks he is being told to sit.  Do you find this amusing?  Or does this concern you?  And how did you start out female and end up male?  Were you abducted by aliens?  Or is this a government plot of some kind???

Obsidian:  Dude, I was always a dude.  Not my fault that they didn't ask me when they found me in that shed.  And like I said before... just a name, man.  No big deal.

Bauxite:  Ah, you evade the question.  And you are animal number seven.  Perhaps... Agent Seven?  What agency do you represent?  Are you here in response to my letters and emails?  Can you believe the insanity in this household???  HAVE YOU FOUND MY KIDNEY??????

Obsidian:  I don't know what you are talking about, man.

Bauxite:  Oh.  Yes.  I see.  I do not want to blow your cover.  I was watching you earlier, trapped in that bag and then later acting as if you were hiding under that piece of paper.  You have quite cleverly concealed your intelligence and cunning.  Amazing.  I've got your back.  Just let me know when it's time to move in and take down the zombie.

Obsidian:  Uh.  Yeah, dude.  Okay...

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