Merry Christmas Food

So I am writing this blog post in the kennel place.  Since the bat crazy cat and this new cat are also here in the kennel, Boss said that it would be okay for me to have a little netbook along and write a blog post or two.  But I am not allowed to do the "abuse my internet privileges" words by spending too much time on websites featuring french poodles.  I mean, not spending ANY time on websites featuring french poodles.  Not even that one with the twin poodles or the other one with a pool full of poodles.  Because that would get me into trouble again.  I mean, that might get me into trouble if I was the sort of dog that would look at websites like that.  But I am not.  Not even a little bit.  By accident.  A couple of times.

Boss and Big One and Player and Talker are doing the "Christmas" word with the parents of Boss right now.  They already did the "Christmas" word with each other and the bat crazy cat and this new cat and me.  And the food was awesomeness!  Everybody got to eat foods and more foods and more and more foods and IT WAS AWESOMENESS.  Since the bat crazy cat and this new cat and me ate our "Christmas" word foods so fast, there are no good pictures.  Boss says the pictures show animal shaped blurs and some brown things that could be identified as treats if one squinted hard enough.  So just imagine that.  But the pictures of the foods my people ate turned out nice and will become pretty-paper-picture-story pages for The ScrapRoom and an obsessive mini book for Evalicious, says Boss. But I do not care.  I want to just look at the foods my people ate!

Boss makes cinnamon rolls.  This is part of the surprise for Big One, so Boss is wearing red and insists on being called Santa.  Talker says that she is MC Awesome instead.  The M means "mama" and the C means "claus" and the Awesome means Player gets to have extra electronics privileges.

Player makes the frosting for the surprise cinnamon rolls.  He was not supposed to be home when the surprises were happening, so Boss made him wear red and called him Elf.  She kept saying to not tell Player about the surprises and I got terribly confused.

BOSS MADE PUPPY CHOW!!!!!  IT IS FOR PUPPIES!!!!!   I AM A PUPPY!!!!!!!  Oh.  No.  I am not, says Boss.  She says I am a dog and am too old for this stuff.  Plus, it has chocolate in it and will make me die.  That seems mean to feed to puppies.  Perhaps that is why we do not have puppies.

Boss says this is rock candy, which seems mean to feed to anyone.   Boss is sometimes mean like that, I guess.

Oh!  The secret cinnamon rolls which are not longer a secret!  They were tasty, except for the gluten-free ones in the background.  Boss says those were best in the trash after she licked the frosting off of them.

The special "Christmas" word dinner that Boss made Big One as a surprise.  There was roasted pork, roasted potatoes, roasted asparagus, and roasted rolls.  Boss is a big fan of roasting things, and Big One is a big fan of eating roasted things.

Big One cuts the meat.  Which is not like cutting the cheese, says Boss.

Boss calls this a chocolate moose.  But it is spelled mousse and tastes better than if you spell it "moose".  A moose is a moose is a moose is a moose no matter how you spell it, if you ask me.  But no one does.

Boss Follows Through and Makes New Plans

But first of all I am a little embarrassed about my last post. 

Apparently the end of the world is not happening.  So now I am wondering who is smarter, the bat crazy cat or me?  And I am uncomfortable with thinking about that.  I am a very simple dog.  Maybe I should just think about squirrel farts and whether or not there will be a hamburger wrapper to sniff on our walk.  Boss says this is a very good idea, because no one else in the family will think of those things.  So I am special and important and my job is to do the funnest stuff out of everybody!  Boss is laughing which means she is agreeable with this idea.  I am happy again. 

Before there was me in this family, Boss decided to make a rule to follow about taking pictures and making pretty-paper-picture-story pages for a whole year.  I am just a simple dog so I will not talk about how rules and making pretty-paper-picture-story pages are not things that belong together.  And I did not even think of this myself, because Boss says this.  Boss says that pretty-paper-picture-story pages do not have rules because they are art and fun and memories and the "get it done already" words.  But I will tell you that Boss had rules anyway. 

Boss took Simple Stories Year-O-Graphy and made pretty-paper-picture-story pages almost all the same with the word "currently" on them and then told Big One, Talker, and Player to write on them.  Boss normally does not let my people write on her good paper.  I am a little confused by this.

Boss is pleased that there is a pretty-paper-picture-story page with the word "currently" on them for every month of this year.  Boss says that she learned that Player is consistent and Talker watches too much questionable television while these "currently" words were written on.

Boss also took a picture of our yard every month this year.  This is June.  I am adorable.

This is December.  I am not in this picture which is a little sad, but my paw prints are in this picture which is almost as good as seeing me in the snow.

So Boss says that I have made the "segue" word.  I am confused.  This is a blog post, not a two-wheeled vehicle that I secretly would like to ride.  Actually, I would like to drive it.  I am sure this can be done.  I have a blog.  Surely I can drive a segue.  Oh?  It is spelled Segway?  Boss is now explaining that even though it sounds the same, a segue is merely a literary or speech thingie and not really fun or interesting in any way.  No, Boss did not say the "thingie" word.  Or the rest of that sentence.  But I stopped listening to her talk to me about... uh... whatever Boss was saying.

And now Boss is saying that she will be doing the "Project Life" words with the pictures she took of the yard and other things.  What?  Oh.  Boss is now back-tracking a little.  Boss means to say she will do *something* like the "Project Life" words.  Boss will go backwards and forwards in time while putting random pictures together on one page using pages with pockets on them.  Good Lord, that is what this woman just said.  I do not think listening to her is any better than not listening to her.  

Boss is now putting her hands on her hips and raising her voice.  Boss says to just wrap up the blog post and mention that Evalicious makes wonderful things to put in pockets.  Pockets like the ones here.  Pockets like the ones here that make Boss happy because they are 8.5x11 size.  Pockets like the ones here that make Boss happy because they are 8.5x11 size and so she will happily buy them from We R Memory Keepers.  I think Boss is just happy to buy things.  But that is just me and the "voicing my opinion" words.

The Last of the Pretty-Paper-Picture-Story Pages

Because the end of the world is coming.  I know this.  I can read.  And even though there was that article in the National Geographic about another Mayan calendar being found that goes for five thousand more years I am not going to be bamboozled by that article, no, I am not.  And here is why I am convinced that this whole thing is real even though Boss has become very very VERY annoyed with me whenever I try to discuss this:  this bat crazy cat does not have any comment about the end of the world and dismisses it as ridiculous and the "yammerings of half-breed hyenas."  (I am well aware that this is a reference to me.  Which is ridiculous as I am not half hyena.  I am much better bred than that I am sure.  I believe I am part awesomeness and part adorable and part "shelter special" as Boss says.  I am special.  Not a hyena.  Or even part of a hyena.) 

And that is my point.  If the bat crazy cat agrees with me, I know that I am not very smart and probably slightly insane.  If the bat crazy cat does not agree with me, I know that I must be onto something.  Therefore, since the bat crazy cat does not agree that the end of the world is coming, it *must* be coming.  And there will be no more pretty-paper-picture-story pages ever again.

I mean, no more pretty-paper-picture-story pages after these.

Boss is only letting me share these pretty-paper-picture-story pages because she thinks the paper strips are somewhat clever.  Otherwise, Boss was just happy to be done with these pictures.  I am not a fan either, but it is because there is a picture of a hyena and none of me.  And I am not a hyena, or even part of a hyena.  I have stripes.  I do not have spots.  Plus, I do not smell very horrible.  Well.  Maybe that is not a good differentiator.

Boss loved this page until it was done.  It was for a BasicGrey sketch challenge and Boss always loves the BasicGrey (again, BasicGrey is paper and is not Grey the dog, which is me, so I am not a fan of BasicGrey either).  After saying "meh" at the page, Boss thinks the problem is the picture.  Boss needs to take more responsibility, I think.  But that is only my opinion.

Boss decided to mess up the picture and reorder it and replace it in the layout.  Boss is already much happier and I have already told you what I think about the pixlr-o-matic mess that Boss likes and I do not.  I am not a fan again.  (Boss did not have time to swap the photos before the end of the world.  I am secretly glad about that.)

Boss made this page "outside her comfort zone" which is somewhere not in her cozy chair sitting on her butt, I think.  Oh.  Well, Boss gave me the frowny forehead face and says it means "being challenged to use mist and hyperventilating and wanting to throw up."  I do not know why she just did not say that in the first place.  Also, Boss says that this challenge was a personal one from friend-the-Gazelle and made her question the friendship.  Whatever that means.

Hobby Series #1:  (Boss said to type that first part.)  This pretty-paper-picture-story page shows that Boss is using the "double standard" words.  Apparently when Boss wants to make messes on paper it is okay.  When friend-the-Gazelle wants to make messes on paper, Boss gets the "cranky pants" words.  But that is how Boss is.  It is hard living here sometimes. 

Hobby Series #2:  Yarn things.  Made before the other yarn things.  I grow weary of the yarn things already.

And I never did get a cupcake... 

Boss Makes Yarn Things; also, Talker Is Not an Attractive Model

I have seen this.  Both of these.  And they are true.  But I will show you so you can be in the judgement of these things yourself.

While Boss was in the laying around doing nothing phase of the "surgery" word, she made many yarn things.  Apparently Boss is also the "hoarder" word when it comes to yarn because she seems to have a lot of yarn that does nothing except get looked at and held and then put away for someday.  But apparently the "someday" word was last week because all those yarns came out and sat in a bucket and got poked at by Boss when she was not napping.  And apparently Boss collects yarns in twos, or she thinks there is a flood coming, or she can not just buy one of anything, or maybe all of those things.  Because there were two yarns of each kind.

And if you ask Boss what she will be making with these yarns in twos she says she does not know but she will figure it out eventually.  This means looking at magazines and making parts of yarn things and then taking the yarn things apart.  And also looking at books and making parts of yarn things and then taking the yarn things apart.  And also even looking at yarn thing patterns found with Google and making parts of yarn things and then taking the yarn things apart.  This can go on for quite some time until Boss forgets to take the yarn things apart and accidentally finishes using the yarn.

But that is okay, because then Boss says it is done and she likes it and then reaches for more yarns.

A bag made with horrible scratchy sparkle yarn and delightfully soft, yet not very tasty, wool.  I thought I smelled a sheep but I could not find it.  I looked very hard though.  I spread the wool out on the floor.

A girly flower.  Boss seems to think this bag might be a boy bag if she does not add the flower.  I think a boy would not want the bag even if it did not have a flower.  I am pretty sure about this.

Boss is delighted at the tiny stitches of the horrible scratchy sparkle yarn and scalloped edge of the not very tasty wool.

Talker is not an attractive model.

This is what Boss is calling a cowl.  Or, a scarf that turned out too short.

Boss says this is a very easy pattern (dc 7, ch 3, turn) but difficult yarn.  I think Boss is showing off with the numbers and letters and actually does not have any idea what she is talking about.  She does not even know how to text.

Talker is not an attractive model.

This is a curly scarf.  I know.  I am the master of the obvious.  This is what happens when Boss gives too much instruction and does not let me just write the blog posts how I want.  I am reduced to writing captions that add nothing to the post whatsoever except for word count.  And I am not getting paid by the word, so it is silly.  In fact, I am not getting paid at all.  AT ALL.  But I have just been reminded that I am doing this because I love my people.  Even when they make me write useless captions.

The curly scarf even closer.  Boss says it is worked on the long edge and reminds her of the octopus doll the Mom of Boss made.  And then Boss gets a happy smile on her face and then wonders what happened to that octopus.  It was pink, she says.

Talker is not an attractive model.

These are the yarns that were used for the cowl and the curly scarf.  Boss says they were fun but annoying to take apart a lot.  But she did it anyway.

Boss tried to make lace.  Boss thinks she is maybe not meant to make lace.  Boss thinks lace might be dumb.

A closer look at the dumb lace.

I Am Sorry

So Boss has had the "surgery" word and it means that she does not move out of her chair or do much of anything at all.  I mean, even more not much of anything at all than normal.  In fact, Big One has been doing the cooking and Talker has been making bagels and cream cheese for Boss and Player has been asking "how are you feeling now?" a lot.  A LOT.  It is very much not normal around here. 

I understand that it is helpful to leave Boss alone and I tried very hard and I did such a good job for a lot of days but then today I just sort of forgot and got a little crazy.  And it is probably good that Boss is still not very perky or I would have been in some serious trouble.  Although if Boss was perky, she maybe would not have left the camera where it could have fallen on the very hard floor if a cat tempted me to jump up on the furniture and go a little crazy.  But that would be blaming Boss for me being naughty and that is a very bad idea.  I know this.  So I will say that I am sorry.  And I will pose pathetically by this sign that Boss made. 

And be glad she got the camera to work.

Look at how pathetic I am!  I made this sad face at Boss and she said that she could not be mad at me, and to cheer up, and that I was not in trouble, and to have a treat.  I am very much awesomeness at getting out of trouble!