Monday, September 16, 2013

Boss Gets Serious, But Only For A Moment

So every once in a while, Boss decides that she finally has enough stuffses.  And she needs to do something with it to make it all go away.  And does just that.  And then a little while later she decides to buy more stuffses.  And then it starts all over again.  Boss thinks this is normal.  I think this is normal for Boss.  I will not be commenting on the whole "define normal" words.  I think commenting is a very good way to get into a lot of trouble. And I am an expert on trouble!  After I get into trouble, I am very much carefulness to not be naughtiness again.  No more eating belts or chewing backpack straps off.  No.  Not at all.  So I am adorableness.  But then it gets the "boring" word around here and then the "distracted" word happens and before you know it... I have been rooting around in the wool of Boss looking for that sheep. And I may have been attempting to liberate these sheep by chewing off the strap of the yarn carrying thing.  But my trouble/good/trouble cycle is nothing at all like the give it away/buy it/give it away cycle of Boss.  And to distract you from arguing about it, I will be illustrating the favorite ways of Boss to unload the stuffses.

So these are the old yarns that Boss did not love anymore.  Most of them she got a gabillion years ago.  Yes, this would be before I started living here.  I think Boss used to love this yarn, but then she met me, and then finally understood what love was.  Or something like that.  Boss says it is all the fault of the mom-of-Boss for taking her to a yarn shop with wool, and alpaca, and silk, and silpaca.  Which is silk and alpaca mixed together.  But it does not really matter, except that Boss does not love this yarn.  So she gave it to her church.  She says the quilt ladies could use it for ties, and also the preschoolers could cut it all up and put glue on it and take it home and put on their refrigerators.  Boss smiles about this.  I do not understand.  Putting glue on the yarn does not make it much more tastiness.  Oh, and Boss says that if you do not have a church, or your church does not have the yarn kinds of things, you can just take the yarn to a daycare or preschool somewhere else.  Because kids + glue + yarn = universal fun stuffses apparently.
So then Boss got some fancy schmancy yarn but had a hard time using it.  This is very pretty yarn, says Boss, but it is fat and stripey.  Which is not the favorite of Boss after all.  Hey, wait.  I am stripey.  I better not eat that extra treat just in case...
So Boss took this stripey fat fancy schmancy yarn and made a cowl with it.  A cowl is something to do with car engines.  Or airplanes.  Or something like that.  As you can see, Boss is not so good at making engine parts with yarn.  But she tried very very hard.
And here is Boss wearing the engine part.  If you wanted to try to make a fancy engine cover that you could maybe wear to a party or whatever, you could find the pattern here.  But here is the special thing about this engine yarn thing:  it is a pattern that you can use, but you have to make one for the Knitting 4 Peace peoples.  Boss is a big fan of the Knitting 4 Peace peoples (even though Boss only knows the "crochet" word).  So that is another thing you can do with yarn if you do not want to eat it or give it the toddlers to put glue on it.  You can make things for other people to wear.  Just do not tell them it is actually for airplanes.
It is not just the yarn that Boss has gotten all uppity about.  It is also about tasty ribbons and some papers, too.  Boss used to love this ribbon, but it was before I got here.  Again, I propose that Boss had a cold and empty world until I got here, so it was hard for her to understand what the good stuffses really was until I showed her grasshoppers, hamburger wrappers, and dead fish.  But to get back to the tasty ribbon.  Guess what?  Toddlers like sticking glue on EVERYTHING.  YES.  EVERYTHING.  So Boss took this ribbon to the church place and the little glue monsters are very much happiness.
But what if you have papers and ribbons and other stuffses that you still like?  Well, then, silly... you use them.  (I am just a simple dog, but really... did you need me to explain this part to you?)  What?  You can't use that many cards and things?  Boss says yes you can.  No, I can not, you say.  Boss says yes, yes you can.  No, you say.  Boss says yes.  You say no.  Boss says ---  Boss says to stop this nonsense, and she is looking at me.  What?  I am just sitting here typing and I am getting in the trouble.  This is not very fair.  Boss says there are a few things you can do with the cards you make.  This box is full of cards.  (That is not one of the things you can do.)  The first thing you can do is get a list of people from your church that can not get out of their house to go to church.  I do not understand if they lost their door or what, but Boss says some people are the "shut in" words and would love some mail.
But what if you have no "shut in" words?  What if you think writing cards is really hardness work because your hand is broken right off or because you can not find any pens because your boybarian horde has taken them all or because your dog has chewed them up and made an ink spot on the carpet?  (Oh, wait, that is unfairness!  I only did that... uh, well... I guess I did that a few times.  Okay, a lot of times.  A LOT.)  Boss says the other thing you can do is to put all of those cards in a box and send them to Operation Write Home for the hero peoples to use when they are somewhere-not-here but their peoples are home all loneliness without them.  Boss says if you like this idea, go read the rules at Operation Write Home because glitter is very dangerousness.  For reals.

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