Enough Already

So Boss sat down tonight and made one more pretty-paper-picture-story page.  She was laughing while she was making it so I thought it might be a funny pretty-paper-picture-story page about bacon or silly faces or maybe even the words that Player and Talker mispronounce on purpose.  (Boss says that page will happen, she just does not know how to make the words make sense on paper.  I am not worried because the words do not make sense anyway but that is maybe a blog post for later.)

But it is about using the color purple.  Which apparently everyone on the Message Board at The ScrapRoom hates using.  Which is why the challenge was made to use it.  Which is why Boss is laughing.

No, I do not understand this either.  This is yet another challenge for the crop thing and it is about doing something you do not like to do on pretty-paper-picture-story pages that will be looked at over and over and over again and kept for a very long time or at least until the end of the world which I am sure is coming.  This might be a sign, but I will have to consult the bat crazy cat and I am not interested in talking to her right now.  Especially since she is mad at me for accidentally calling her a him in the last post that I talked about her.  Either way, that cat is bat crazy and I do not feel like having to deal with the drama right now.

And this pretty-paper-picture-story page is full of drama too if you think about how purple is apparently a very hard color to work with according to all the people who make pretty-paper-picture-story pages.  All I know is that it turned out okay and that Boss had fun while she made it which is probably the most bestest thing about this challenge.  This is also the very lastest crop challenge that Boss will be doing since there are no more left.  I am thankfulness for that!

Boss used BasicGrey Soleil for this purple challenge and said that BasicGrey is very helpful to use when she is working on challenging pretty-paper-picture-story pages for some reason that I did not listen to.  I stopped listening to her explain why because Boss tends to go on and on and on about the wonderfulness of BasicGrey and I get bored.  And annoyed because I hear "Grey" but she is still talking about BasicGrey and not me.  Which is just not right.

Boss Thinks She Is Amazing

Well.  I guess I do not know if that is true or not.  I am making a guess using all of my brains, which are not very many because I am a very simple dog, and my guess is that Boss thinks she is amazing.  But I do not know exactly how Boss thinks because I have no experience being a girl people.  I would think that if I was a girl people I would try to figure out how to become smellier and more attractive but I guess that Boss is not interested in being smellier (and therefore more attractive) because she is making no effort to do so and is in fact being crabby about the smells being made in the house.  It is almost like she is not a fan of smells!  I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!?  How can Boss not love the smells in this house or the sounds that come out of the bathroom when Big One is in there???????  I love Big One just for this reason, and this reason alone.  Plus, he smells like dirt on a regular basis.  Yummy!

I am imagining that Boss is thinking she is amazing for two reasons.  Well, three.  Reason one:  It is reveal week at The ScrapRoom and Boss has very nice pretty-paper-picture-story pages in there that feature me.  Which is almost like double points of awesomeness but that makes the math very much complicated.  Reason two:  Boss made a lot - A LOT - of pages at the crop thing this last weekend at The ScrapRoom.  And these pages have rules, which I do not understand or even support but since I have mentioned all that stuff in a previous post I will not take any of your time here to discuss my feelings on the idea that making pretty-paper-picture-story pages should not have rules at all - AT ALL - because it does not matter how it looks as long as your boss is happy.  Which I will not be discussing.  Not one little bit, in fact.  Reason three:  Boss found out that individually wrapped Kraft caramels are delicious and gluten-free.  Which is a way of saying, should taste bad but do not.  Does not.  Is not.  Are not?  Oh heck, I do not know because Boss did not give me one.  I am sad about this.

But to make me not sad, I will show you the crop pretty-paper-picture-story pages and not think too hard about the rules.  Which is good, because I am a very simple dog.  And thinking is not simple.

Small Packages Challenge:  Boss had to use a little picture, something old, and a song title.  The rules are not important to me because Boss chose to use a picture of Player and I love to just look at him.  Although I would like to taste that bird.  Just a little.

Celebration Challenge:  Boss needed use pictures about celebrating rocks or something. Which are not very tasty.  Boss also had to use twine and buttons, which ARE very tasty.  I would know.

White Space Challenge:  Boss had to somehow not fill the entire pretty-paper-picture-story page with stuff.  So she piled it all in one spot.

Sketch Challenge:  No, it is not about drawing.  But Boss could do that if you wanted her to.  And brought her some chocolate.

Shape Challenge:  The rules say to use one shape 10 times or more.  I did not know that a leaf was a shape but apparently the rules are not that strict.

13 Questions Challenge:  This is the challenge that Boss made and she totally copied it from Write. Click. Scrapbook.  Which is somehow okay and not cheating.

Title Challenge:  Boss needed to use one of the title ideas.  Of course she chose the "Epic" one and not the "Love" one.  She is sensible like that.  By the way, Boss told me that this bacon was horrible and that she would eat it all herself so I would not get sick.  She is the bestest Boss ever and I love her.

"You've Got Twins!" Challenge:  Boss says she almost pooped herself when she saw the title but did not because she then understood that it was about making two Christmas cards the same way.  I am sad that she did not because then she would smell like awesomeness.

Bad Ideas and Good Ideas

I think you will know what I am thinking is a bad idea.  Yes.  You do.  We all know that asking the bat crazy cat and this new cat to write a few simple blog posts is a really bad idea but Boss is not listening to this information.  Boss is giving me the frowny forehead face and I only just started to mention that the bat crazy cat is really going too far this time and that this new cat is going to have to do something more than just eat my food - YES, MY FOOD! - and lay around getting fat and more fat and someday incredibly fat.  I am only just beginning to mention that the bat crazy cat has not only gone too far this time but is also making me want to bite him.  But I will make it look like an accident and then Boss will not yell at me and then the bat crazy cat will have something to think about besides his bat crazy conspiracy theories!  Although me biting him accidentally on purpose may actually be a conspiracy and I do not want to encourage him.  No.  Not one little bit.  So I will now discuss good ideas because Boss is getting more than slightly irritated with this talk of me biting the bat crazy cat, even only by accident on purpose and maybe just a little harder than necessary.

So the good idea is going on vacation with my people!  Which unfortunately is related to the bad idea of having the bat crazy cat and this new cat write blog posts, but I will not be discussing that any further except to say that maybe next time we will go on vacation to a place with wi-fi.  I mean really.  Can you believe there are places in the world with no wi-fi or hot spots?  My people are also living in the dark ages with no-G phones.  Oh!  Yes!  I just made a very funny joke about cell phones and the technology my people do not have!  Oh!  My tail is wagging a lot.  A LOT!  I am a very clever dog, I think.  And Boss is trying to maintain a frowny forehead face but is failing so I know I am funny if Boss laughs. 

Where we were on vacation is the North Shore.  It is in heaven, says Boss, but I thought it might take longer than five hours to drive there and then I would think that we would not come back from heaven as I thought it was supposed to be a one-way trip.  But maybe this is what is called an analogy.  Or a simile.  Or some other part of the English language that they do not teach dogs.  We are really too simple to learn some of that grammar stuff.  Anyway.  Boss took a few pictures.  Like a few hundred pictures.  And turned some into pretty-paper-picture-story pages already!  Which is also a very good idea.  And some of the pretty-paper-picture-story pages are already being shown at The ScrapRoom!  Which is a very, very good idea.  And finally the best good idea of all time is that the one at The ScrapRoom right now has me on it.  I am a big fan of this! 

You can go to The ScrapRoom blog to see this pretty-paper-picture-story page if you want.  Or you can stay here and look at it.  Either way, I am the best looking dog you will see.  No matter where you go.  I promise.

Here I am again!  Click on me so you can see me extra close up.  I am extra handsome the closer you look.

Guest Blogger: Somebody Has to Be Responsible

I am observing this new cat and his terrible guest blog post.  Incredible.

I think it's clear that the responsible one is NOT this new cat.  Or, at least, that is what he is trying to convince you of.  He's really quite good.  Clever, actually.  If he wasn't actually a dangerous undercover agent, I would give him quite the drubbing.  But I'll act as if his complete lack of intelligence and motivation is merely annoying to me and I'll move on.

Since somebody around here has to write an intelligent post, I'll be updating you on the current status of Talker's organ harvesting operation.  So far the people here still seem healthy and in good spirits.  I cannot tell if that's from Talker completely numbing their brains with his incessant talking or if they are really having a good time.  The ridiculous frivolity that occurs here on a daily basis is approaching the absurd.  These people really need to get some seriousness and wake up to the fact that they are in danger.

But no.  If they aren't all goofing off, they are all off on some big trip with Talker and the stupid dog.  They just don't see the truth like I do.  Going anywhere with Talker is DANGEROUS.  Goofing off is DANGEROUS.

And goofing off is what the female in this house seems to do best.  (Besides opening the cans of chicken!)  I hope Talker leaves her for last.  I really, really do.  And to be honest, I think Talker can take his time... she'll never notice her kidneys are in danger because every waking moment is spent working on these scrapbook pages and cards.  I have yet to figure out the purpose for them except that perhaps she *is* aware of the danger she is in and has cleverly disguised pleas for help on the pages.  Hm.  If that is her plan, I must revise my earlier estimation of this woman and consider her very, very clever.  And then, of course, I must assist her in her plan to overthrow Talker and save us all!  So with that in mind, here's what has been created lately.  Please, help us!!!

BasicGrey Clippings:  Perfect choice for a cleverly disguised note to the outside world.  If only I had the key to decipher it!

Echo Park Everyday Eclectic:   Yes.  I see the key... the large decoder watch in the picture must be around here somewhere!

Little Yellow Bicycle Saturday:  Ah!  She is trying to get LYB to notice her... and would be grateful for some help, I think.

Little Yellow Bicycle Twig:  Yes, I am sure of it now.  She is asking LYB to reach out and swat Talker with a stick.  Oh, very, very clever.  We shall be rescued any day now!

Guest Blogger: Truth Comes Out!

Dude.  Really, man?  Write a blog post?  I'm napping.  Come back later.

Talker Has Finally Stopped Running

Talker has run 1,267 miles this year.  Or maybe that is meters.  Or kilometers.  Or whatever.  All I know it is a lot.  A LOT.  And Boss and Big One are very proud of him for running around and almost throwing up.   I wondered if he ever pooped himself because that would be really really cool but Talker says no.  And makes a rolling eye face at me.  But he does that a lot so I am not sure if this comment got more rolling eye face or less rolling eye face compared to the other comments that get the rolling eye face. 

Boss and Big One went to see Talker run four times this season and as you might expect Boss took her camera and took a ridiculous number of photos of Talker running.  Running away.  Running back.  Running by.  Standing around after running.  Which is very similar to standing around before running.  And also as you might expect, Boss used her new silly toy to mess up perfectly good pictures of Talker running.  You might need to click on them to see them better.

Talker was horrified to see his arm in front of his body in this picture.  This is very bad form he says.  Regardless, the brother of Boss thinks this is a very cool photo and that it looks like a movie poster.  Before Boss messed it up anyway.

Talker runs toward the stadium where the end of the race is.  He is in a hurry to get there because standing around after running is more fun than actually running.

Talker is doing something called "pushing it to the end".  This is not a pooping reference.

Talker passes this girl, but he says it does not count because he is not racing girls.  But I can see it happening in this picture so I am not sure where these extra rules are coming from.

Talker is at the back of this pack as the race begins.  He is tall and blond and is actually smiling.  Or maybe it is just gas.

Big One cheers for Talker as he races on the golf course in our town.  He was very much awesomeness in this race and Boss got a little teary as he ran by.  She gets teary a lot though so I do not know if that is really news.

Boss Has a New Toy

So Boss has a new toy and it is on the computer and it makes pictures all messed up.  I know that sounds a little bit crazy but she did and it is and it does.  Boss has been playing with it a lot and I think you will be seeing lots of messed up pictures, and pretty-paper-picture-story pages made with messed up pictures.  Boss makes happy squealing noises and uses words like "Oh that is so cool!" when she messes up the pictures which is not the normal thing around here.  Yes, I have decided that the end of the world really is going to happen.

Since the world is going to end I guess I do not really care if you want to mess up your pictures too.  So you could go to pixlr.com and use the pixlr-o-matic and mess up all sorts of pictures in all sorts of ways.  Boss even downloaded that app.  This is exciting to her because she does not have a smart phone that will do instagrams.  She says her phone is dumb and boring but I am fine with that because smart phones that mess up pictures do not sound that smart to me.

Here is how Boss is messing up pictures.  I love this picture of Player.  I love him.  He is adorable.  And then Boss changes his colors, makes him messy and then scratched him.  I do not understand Boss.  Maybe she is still angry about the beets comment.

Before:  Hi Player.  I love you!

After:  It is all messed up and I am sad.

And then Boss went and made a pretty-paper-picture story page with this horrible messed up picture.  I am sad.  I am not a fan. 

This is for a BasicGrey sketch challenge.  I looked at the rules.  There is nothing that says messing up pictures is a good idea for the challenge.  I am just saying that.  I wish Boss would listen.